One of those nights.. he seems so close... i can almost reach out and touch him.. feel him.. and he vanishes

once again ...that feeling of loss... deep loss.. of pain...of something being pulled out of me...loss... loss..

like the rain outside my window,  incessant..pouring down .in sheets.. my tears....incessant..in sheets..

running down my cheeks,, chin.... throat.. creating puddles on my table.. my books..

you...a fitter you.. freshly showered before dinner... coming to the dining table... something amuses you.. that laughter..chuckle.. in which nobody else joins in..

and i want to see that once more.

and i realize it will never happen  ever again

how do i calm myself down ..this frenzy my mind is in now...

and then just like that i see the very ill u.. a skeleton almost.... struggling.. gasping.. for breath