Move on

Live in the present

Do not hold on to the past


I was distraught at the thought of  letting go of any possession which reminded me of you.

Infact, I collected every scrap, every bit with which I was able to associate a memory of you.

I now realise that even without the material object, you remain in my thoughts with the same degree of intensity.   

With this thought, I hope to let go of the last material bits of your physical self. 

I know the tears will flow.. why... my eyes are brimming right now.

But those tears will be of a sadness of losing you.   not the inability to part with the last bit of your remains.

and i will learn to move on

for the longest time. I have lived my life, primarily as your daughter. 

Most of my actions were influenced by you... unconsciously..sub consciously emulating you or following how you taught me to live.. though this may sound a little patronizing... but how do i express that there was also that voice which directed my actions..and each time there was me, seeking your approval, hoping i had lived upto your ideals.

Ideals... Idolisation.. oh yes.. I look upto people.. idolize them.. and then when they let me down, or i feel let down by their actions... i am shaken

you were an ideal person in my eyes,  and then there were times when i felt let down and angered..i failed to realise that my ideal person, my idol is human too.. with the frailties..

it was that easy to understand

i held a grudge.. well no.. but was terribly hurt. How could you..

                    
the one weakness ..that you could not assure , no.. that you could not reassure me of my status ..that you did not realise that I hurt. 

no

it takes expression... words,, not just


It is now easy for me to gain closure..

not hold on to a past

live in the present... not even think of the future.

Suddenly I know what i need to do.. without the aid of that voice in my head

My children will live their life.   free of that voice in their head

I will harbour no expectations