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Wednesday, June 19, 2013

The painting ordeal is over and done with. The painters have left. we have got our home back for ourselves.

For the last 33 days, 3 of them would be here from 10.00 am to 6.30 pm, every day. They would greet us with a 'namaskaar" as they came into the house. After that they went about their work silently. Meticulously too.

With the painters around the house, we had to adapt to a new routine, finishing most of the chores before they arrived so that we didnt cross paths. Literally .

We have always been a small family , not used to having too many people around us and are very possessive about our space. i was sure i would be glad to see the back of them.

33 days. one gets used to a situation , a routine, however mundane it maybe. if something has to be done, it bettter be done. no use fighting the situation.

33 days. i have gotten used to seeing these people around the house.  attachments were formed.

Today as they packed up their stuff and got ready to leave, it wasnt easy for me to say a "achha" to their "chalte hain".

Tuesday, June 18, 2013

26th april
I think of you everyday.

I loved you then.

You made no commitments.
I had hoped you would.

It mattered,
that you were by my side.

You cared .
I could feel it,
could sense it.

Why didn't you just love me instead?

I gave my heart to u.

I have no cause for complaint.
No regrets either.

That you had to leave,
saddened me then,
broke me then.

But you gave me a new strength,
a new realisation.

Being with you,
I learnt to trust.

Being with you,
I learnt to share....
thoughts ,

I shared
my dreams and desires.

I shared a piece of me.

Being with you,
I learnt ,
that sometimes,
it is not perfection,
but the little imperfections
that are loveable.

Being with you,
I came in touch
with a me,
I did not know existed.

Being with you,
I learnt that
that not only was
i capable of much love...
you made me realise that
i was worthy of love,
deserving of much love,

You left.

It did hurt.
I carried the pain
for quite a while.

The feeling of loss,
of emptiness,
of a time without you...
that took some getting used to.

I think, it began there....
this thirst
and the hunger,
for approval.
This bothersome feeling
of incompleteness...
of inadequacy..........

You chose another.

The rejection hurt more than the abandonment
The son begins practice school. a nearly 2 month work experience at one of the firms registered with his college.

This will be his first exposure to a formal work place.

We were impressing upon him, the fact, that the learning experience and practical work experience he will gain there will stand him in good stead. and even if he finds the tasks allotted to him mundane, being committed and then answerable (to a new set of people) while on the job is a skill in itself.

Until today he has sported the jeans and T shirt look and has nearly had the same kind of outlook. in one word - casual. He is responsible , yes, but in a casual sort of way, which irks us , the parents.

the lazy jeans and the cocky 'message' T - shirts would have to discarded for the time being. i was looking forward to seeing him throw off or atleast attempt to throw off the casual and don the formal - attire as well as outlook.

The boy dislikes shopping, though he is a getting a bit finicky abt choice of clothes. I had planned a phamily outing with the sole aim of getting him the formals. He insisted he would do it on his own. This was a new one he had thrown at us. I have to start getting used to this show of independence. but the MAA in me keeps bobbing and i drew a list of stuff he would require. he crossed out 3/4th of the list

if i am a procastinator. he is the father of procastinaton. aaj kare so kaal kar, parson kar sakon toh behtar. he had to report fr work today and it was only yesterday that he went purchasing.

within mins of his reaching the store , he calls ... "which brands should i look at?

a little while later , one more call... "the trousers do not have seams." i was grinning , but patiently (this is a new trait i am cultivating) i explained the procedure to him. also put this incident on the "must gossip n dissect with the sister" list. My sister, not his. His sistah doesn't tolerate any mazaak where he is the butt.

He looked different as he left for work today. Must say , i was pleased.

Sanjay, ..... ek mahina aur and i get the Android.
B for bird. N for nest . so said the KG primer. Birds live in nests. Birds live in trees. so said our mommies as they told us stories of the Chiu taai and kau taai. but the city bred folkjs that we are , we are used to looking out for them on electricity wires, window grills, sills and ledges. simi;ar;y the nest in the tree is rather more frequently spied in a nook or cranny.

For one, where are the sprawling shady trees in our building compounds? and the ones that are, are either trimmed to a bald or chopped off to make way for concrete. when one does pass by a tree, we walk by nonchalantly. the eye and ear not trained to sight a bird or catch a chirp. and anyway, who has the time to linger and indulge the senses. one is always in a rush to somewhere.

enjoying the beauty in nature doesn't come naturally to us. it is becoming a deliberate pursuit.. It was only during a trip to a forest reserve, that the eyes scoured through the foliage to notice any avian activity, the ears perked to catch every chirp and distinguish between the cries of different ones.

till then i do not remember seeing a bird perched on a tree. not even the common crow.

last sunday, the husband's sister was visiting. and she called to find out if i knew some place they could visit which was not a mall and where they could just relax and spend some peaceful time.

suggested 2 options and then joined them too.

one was the mahim nature park and the other was the flamingo spot at sewri. the flamingos i had seen. but had never been to the mahim nature park even after having heard many positives about it. they call it an oasis in the middle of the concrete desert and lungs of the city.

i had read that the park had several species of trees .

there are the trees. not too many, but the ones that are , are really very old. the banyans have sprouted shoots that have taken root and have spread their tentacles wide. had also read that there is a bee breeding unit here and if arrives there in the morning one can join that trail. in the mornings one can also spot a lot of butterflies here too.

because i happened to be in a nature park, the senses were heightened. i observed, i saw, i heard, i felt and smelt.

the mahim/bandra creek - the stench !

just then a shiny blue bird flew past me - a beautiful turqouise blue , the feathers gleamiing in the sun. can't say if it was a kingfisher or any other.

we were walking not on gravel or soil. not the crunch of dried leaves but on the softness of bark leaves and twigs shed over the years. moist . soft below the feet. and it was still summer. a cold breeze made the stroll pleasant.

inside the park is a water body. more of a pond actually. and a clear one.

sitting on the bank, looking around and up the tree, noticed 2 crows perched and they looked picture perfect in their natural habitat. am sure it was the 1st time i saw a crow on a tree.

as we walked further, noticed many many nests on another tree. just like in the stories and the story books. and probably because we were beginning to appreciate, more beauty was unveiled for us. saw a crow feeding its fledgelings in its nest. the little ones cawing and opening their beaks and the crow feeding them.

couldn't have asked for more. it was a good 40 mins we spent there at the park , doing nothing and yet a lot.

yesterday while i was dusting the windows, happened to notice this butterfly on one of the walls of our building. the beautiful blue on the wings attracting my attention.

the wings fluttered gently in the post shower breeze. this one is either a blue tiger or a forest queen , so says google. it clung on to the wall the entire evening and throughout the night too. by the way , the lifespan of a butterfly is just 2 - 4 weeks.

" What is this life if, full of care, We have no time to stand and stare...." the truth in these words !

we simply walk by so many wondrous moments. the loss - totally ours !

17th june 2013
You only have to open your eyes. You only have to see.

Four days ago , i was talking about never having noticed a crow on a tree . I had mentioned this to the husband. he had laughed and said that crows also build their nests on tall coconut palms. it was a very common sight in Udupi

Today as i was hanging out the clothes to dry, i happened to notice this crow on a palm in the building compound.

Mmmmm........You only have to see.