I always noticed

the older generation

be it  my mother

father 

or my firend

prasie a person

because 

that person asked 

about their well being

Just this much was enough

and I realise today

Just this much is enough

 You are a good person

until 

you tell them they are wrong 

You are a good person

until

you tell them you were looking for more

than they were meaning to give .

 

If they were intending to give at all......

 Loss ... Pain... Hurts.

time ... heals         

scars remain

 Equanimity

Sthitapradnya

The one who remains unswayed

A new goal...

But why?

I'd rather remain human

 Get a life they tell me

Live the life,  the offspring tells me

Pray what life, when there are none of my own in it.

That hurts

 

 Expectations

 

They tell me to give up on expectations

My only questions are How and Why

 

Meditate, it will quell your  excited, disturbed mind, they say

Divert your mind.  Take up a hobby.  Engage your mind, they say.

Divert your affections to a pet they say.

Is happiness reached only by looking away? 

Is life a series of looking away only?

And how many times?

As I have said before, there needs to be a parenting manual

But hey, there has always been one, hasn't it, 

A life manual.

The ashramas. Brahmacharya, gruhastha, vanaprastha, sanyasa 

Where the preoccupation with the self and it's extensions,

dull or wipe out the lines of when to disengage,

one can fall back on the texts.

 

I only wish there was a text on the step by step of  HOW TO,

Gradually wean yourself from the longing for the sweet but often unrequited affection of the  offspring.

 

 

 

 Mine is the sandwiched generation they say

We never got to be children, 

carefree...

Carried the burden

of expectations of many a kind

 I accepted.

I didn't know I could rebel.

I got to be parents to the parents who became childlike.

Accepted.

What about being parents to the children I bore?

I do not even want to exercise the authority we were answerable to.

But when every question is answered with a

so what.

I wonder.... what changed? and mainly, when?

 

 I  have to unfailingly, relentlessly play mother

mother to my children , 

The children get to selectively play 

children..demanding of attention,

strangers..unconcerned of your emotions,

favour doers.. throwers of scraps of affection as and when it suits them,

Is this a new phenomenon?

or has this been a norm 

and me the exception for believing otherwise?