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Wednesday, July 18, 2012

The son is  18 now, moving on to 19.   Is  studying and living away from home, in a different city, in a different state.  He manages to come home on long weekends , which sometimes adds to about  3 days in 2 months.   I miss  him sorely.  We had just begun to bond big time, after his 12th std exams, when the pressure of examinations had waned and studies had ceased to dominate the conversation.   He is a sensitive kind of a guy and  has nearly always been able to read me well.

It's one year since he has been away and yet it still takes some getting used to not having him around.

When he was a little boy and would  want me to join him at play, a tired, me, would sometimes yell at him - Leave me alone!
now  I am packing his bags , as he gets ready to go back to college, leaving  me  alone,
I HATE IT,  I HATE IT, I HATE IT !

When his sibling was a baby and monopolised my attention, he would clamber into my lap with a wet slobbery kiss fr me . There have been days when  I have turned  my face  away
Today  ,  as I leaned forward to  caress him, stroke  his stubbled face... the teenager gave me a quizzical look and turned away,

and  I HATE IT,  I HATE IT,  I HATE IT  !!

He is not one for any PDA.

Yeah, its now a year  since he has been away.  Yes  , now it takes just abt 3 - 4 days to get used to not having him around all day.  I  know its for his own good and he wanted it that way.    But a  3 month long vacation is just making it even more difficult to let go of him.

It's not easy seeing a child off.

He is an adult now, 18 going on to 19.  A stocky frame,  standing tall at 6 feet 2 inches.

At the door step he takes my leave.  Allows me an  awkward , half-a- hug and walks down the stairs, waving good bye. I shut the door. and make a dash for  the pillows..... to stifle the sobs.

The door bell rings almost immediately, urgently.  It's him.    "U forgot something ??", I ask  him.  "Nothing" he says .  He attempts a smile.   But his lips curve  funnily. .... his eyes  glisten with a hint of tears swimming in them.

Selfish me, I take  advantage of his momentary weakness ...  pull him into my arms and plant that kiss on his cheek.      Gotcha !

Our laughter rings loud in the corridor as he bids me goodbye , for the  second time in 10 minutes.  












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