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Wednesday, September 4, 2013

The daughter

The daughter.

Let me begin ekdum phillumii style ... i had really longed to have one. i wanted to dress her in pretty pretty dresses... doll her up... i craved for a daughter. i dreamed of her growing up. snuggling up comfortingly to me, no matter how old she grew up to be. I dreamed, of her coming trustingly to me -trusting me to wipe away the wrinkles of worry on her brow. I dreamed, of her coming to me.. sharing her dreams with me... her innermost thoughts, her fears.

i had longed for a daughter. and when she was born, i was ecstatic.

As she was growing up, right from the time she was a toddler , i realised that this child of mine had a mind of her own. and she didnt shy from displaying it at every step.

i had dreamt of her becoming my ally.

She had already drawn the battle lines. And we were on different sides.

she had an opinion of her own - one which was absolutely opposite to mine. from clothes , to shoes, to hair clips, to food, to choices in books..... .there was not one thing we could agree on.

Years of reading Linda Goodman's Sun Signs hadn't really prepared me to come to terms with the fact that a Taurean could be this strong willed.

For the vain Leo, difficult days lay ahead !

The vexed me would rant and rant.. why does this girl have to rebel so much!!

And then one day, the son said..."why can’t she have a different line of thinking,.a different way of doing things. when she doesn’t want to do things your way, she is just wanting to do things differently. why do u presume that your way is the right way? It is alrite to differ."

The husband piped in..".why are u imagining this to be a tussle.... allow her to be her."

I sulked for a while.

Gradually i admitted to myself that I was being the control freak. Taking my 'mommy responsibilities' too seriously. I really needed to loosen up and let my kids thrive. I should truly be glad that they were willing to hold up and stand up to their beliefs

life became a little easy at the K's.

The daughter was a typical Taurean. Very picky. Very self assured. A bit too pig headed I might add.

I had wanted to doll her up?? she refused to get into anything which had sequins or frills or bows. shorts and later capris and jeans were her signature style….. no- nonsense clothes.

If she wore a small dangling ear ring on a traditional outfit bought with much emotional upheavel, she would refuse to wear anything round her neck. .

If she wore a neck ornament, it was ‘ bye- bye’ ear rings.

Bangles??? No way. may be a very very very thin bracelet. then nothing around the neck, definitely

A colouful bindi with a chudidaar? the chudidaar itself was a favour wasn't it???

If the young lady condescendingly agreed to wear a neck piece, it would have to be the junk kind. I had no issues with that. But an owl ?? why couldn’t it be a butterfly?

But of late i am seeing her soften a bit. A bit conscious about her appearance. i see her linger a bit too longer at the mirror. i find her shyly trying out a new hair parting. I am able to relate to this slightly unsure lass. I see a bit of myself in her.

I pretend i am not noticing her at such times and let her enjoy making those tiny discoveries for herself. i want her to be comfortable in her skin. i want her to be different from me... be self assured.


It's teacher's day on the 5th and they are celebrating it tomorrow .. as she is in class X, the students get to play teacher for a day. They have to come dressed in formals. Knowing her dislike for finery, i suggested she wear a Kurti with a pair of jeans.


the brat declared she wanted to wear a sari !!!.

After i recovered frm this, she asked me to pull out a few sarees for her. The rules were spelled out .......... None of the starched cottons. Nothing with any shimmer. Sequins were out… as also the jari.

In an appeasement mode, i suggested we buy her a saree of her choice. No she declared. She would ‘make do’ with something frm my wardrobe.

Finally there was one saree she zeroed in on. A soft flowing fabric - her first criterion. A strip of jari… a wee bit of stone embellishment on one side - the one which fell at the feet.

I whooped in delight.

Then came the issue of the blouse. She had thought of it too. a textured cotton fabric. a small collar.

Since the time she has come home from school today, she has been busy. the tresses have been washed clean of any traces of oil. she has set her mind on carrying a satchel like handbag i own.. “it looks vry school-maarm-ish” , i told her. Dissuade her i couldn't.

The owl has been prepped up for tomorrow. and because i wasn't really imposing and merely suggesting, she has lined up another neckpiece for trial tomorrow. i am only glad she considered another option to the offending owl.

ear rings might or might not be worn.

“a bindi ?? tussi badey mazaakiye ho”, I have been told

Deep down i am excited that brat is blossoming .. very slowly ... into the daughter I had dreamed of.

I hope she will eventually learn to willingly trust me - not just because I am her mother , but just because I am her mother .

And finally i hope i haven't said too much too early..... after all tomorrow is another day.

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