june 1st... that was the day we admitted you....your last hospital trip... you went alive.. came home wrapped in a shroud

i know i will be able to recollect all those moments

i know for some unknown reason.. i am buillding those walls... piling those almost tangible and visible bricks.. memory blocks

i know i wll hurt

i nknow some day i will dismantle this wall... brick by brick... i will cry... my body wracking with my sobs.. i know it  will be hard ..

i know myself... i know  i will do it

and for some strange reason.. i do not want to do it in the privacy of my bathroom, or my room  ...clanging away on my keybaord, .scratching away at every membrane or tissue which covers a memory

for some reason i want it to be a warm lap...and  a gentle pat .. a gentle thumping on my back...on  my head..comforting me

my eyes.. they are brimming with tears!