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Saturday, February 2, 2013

I wish I could be like.......

I wish I could be like ME.  The ME that I was 23 yrs ago

So there I was.  All of 20.  The shy introvert.    Staring at the world around her  with wide eyed curiosity.

The spirit  of youth.  The enthusiasm of youth.   A freshness of perception.   ....  Soaking  in every new experience.

I was enthusiastic .      I had a zest for life.

I was without guile. I trusted wholeheartedly.  I was honest .

I was happy.  Found a reason to smile always  . Guffaw  a full throated laugh.

I was carefree.  I felt secure. Was convinced nothing could go wrong with my world.  Was convinced that good happens to good people.  I hadn't wronged anybody or  hurt anybody.....only good things would happen to me.

I  put others before myself.   I put out myself for others.  It felt good.

I  looked forward to the experience called life.

I wasn't really ambitious.  Was agreeable to follow the course charted for me by the parents.     No, I didn't have any career ambitions.   I didn't even want to keep the  job  forever.  After a point I wanted to share myself  with my family alone.

And things did go the way they had been envisaged.  No complaints there.

Then I changed. 

Cynicism  crept in.   The curious wide eyes are  now narrowed with suspicion more often.

Family  brought attachment.  The mind which was fearless, is now a worried one.  Worried for the loved ones.

Honesty is coloured by diplomacy.   The heart seeks acceptance , approval .  It expects.  It has become selfish and  is not willing to give unconditionally.

Pros and Cons are weighed. The easy spontaneity has been lost.


Honestly , if   I could be like anyone, I  would would want to  be like the ME   that I had set out to be.